Craigslist personals...gotta love 'em

[justiceiro]

Skankonomics 101


She wants cash, specifically half a million, and on a yearly basis.  What does she offer?  Basically poonani.  Apparently really, really good poonani.

Now, far be it from me to downgrade the market value of the coochie.  Years ago, before I was subjected to a leveraged buyout by resource-rich european interests wielding a strong Euro, my portfolio had a strong position in coochie.  The velocity of the market was high, and there was cash to be made. 

But, traditionally, the cooch in the US has never been as wise an investment as it is elsewhere, as investing in hoohah futures entails significant opportunity costs.  There is great resistance in the market to a diversified portfolio- try as they might, no one has ever been able to succesfully corner the North American Steeze market, despite the mid-70s scare initiated by the Chamberlain and Johnson hedge fund which drove valuations sky high.  Eventually, as always, C&J knocked the bottom out of the market, and they were forced to trim their hedge.

Globalization has made this woman's position even more difficult.  Had this woman looked around to transact when investors were locked into the NY coozodities market only (flyover state schniz being of notoriously bad quality, as well as being difficult to extract) before the beginning of the 90's she would have been in a much stronger negotiating position.  Unfortunately for her, there are many countries that have a comparative advantage over the United States and Canada in respect to production and marketing of this nature- Brazil, for one.  Local supply is numerous, opportunity costs are nil, and extraction is so low cost that trasnportation, if necessary, still add up to cheapgoods for all.


I was in Argentina on other business when I was approached in a cafe by a potential business partner.  unfortunately for me, my portfolio is already vested and my CFO, operating under strict sarbanes-cokbloxley guidelines, demands that I invest returns on my capital in more stable markets.  the potential investor, however, took this as a negotiating tactic and I inadvertantly negotiated her down to approximately $35 US dollars for a 2 hour lease not only of the quimbus, but of the balloon knot as well. The wonderful thing about this arrangement is that the elements of production do not have to cease due to intermittent lack of liquid capitol on my part, several parties can take advantage of the productive capacity of this particular capital.

As I calculate it, this woman, in order to merit $500,000 per year, would have to be extremely hot (as Argentine ladies have the finest, most modern, and most efficient infrastructure in the market today) and would have to have sex with me 14,285 times per year,  (or 39 times per day), without the imposition of opportunity costs for this deal to even reak even.

Nope, I'll stick with the hoes.  They are cheaper, and, in this case, probably nicer.

[duke_of_earl]

The ad is funny and reprehensible and all, but what I don't get is why it has become such an internet pheonomenon.  Craigslist as long been a haven for requests like this.  There were probably 20 or so similar ads posted the day before this one.

Yeah, and this one wasn't even particularly well written.  You can spend a few minutes on the "best of" craigslist and find some better ones. Some things just have a tipping point.  It's kind of like asking why about the Tickle Me Elmo phenomenon...

doe

[elgoodo]

The ad is funny and reprehensible and all, but what I don't get is why it has become such an internet pheonomenon.  Craigslist as long been a haven for requests like this.  There were probably 20 or so similar ads posted the day before this one.

[jennymayla]

From today's New York Times:

October 8, 2007
Acquisitive Craigslist Post Reddens Faces All Around

By ANDREW ADAM NEWMAN
Last month on Craigslist.com, someone who described herself as a “spectacularly beautiful” 25-year-old placed a personal ad seeking a husband who made at least $500,000 a year, because “$250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West.”

As her post hit the blogs, it received a scathing response from a man who said he fit her description and told her that her proposition was a bad business deal. “In economic terms, you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset,” he wrote, because “your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity.”

Last week, this exchange spilled over into the e-mail world, where the it turned into a popular item to send to friends as a joke. The difference between this and other outrageous share-mail messages, however, was that instead of remaining anonymous, its ostensible author signed his name and the company where he worked, which happened to be the investment banking division of JPMorgan Chase.

This detail, which may have provoked nearly as much mirth as the contents of the exchange, made the correspondence either more or less credible. Would someone with a big job at a prestigious company really have linked his name to a message that read in part: “You’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!”

The man who is widely credited with writing the response did not respond to a voice message, but the media relations department at JPMorgan Chase confirmed that he worked there and said that he was not the author. Rather, a company spokesman said, he had forwarded the e-mail message to friends, and the signature setting on his e-mail accompanied the response when it wound up on blogs.

By this account, the employee was just an accidental sexist, the latest object lesson in the dangers of e-mail getting into the wrong hands — the Wall Street equivalent of a Pittsburgh Steelers coach who passed along an e-mail message with a sex video to the National Football League commissioner, among others.

“Your workplace computer does not exist as a tool for forwarding jokey things,” said Will Schwalbe, an author of “Send: The Essential Guide to E-Mail for Office and Home.”

As for the legitimacy of the original posting by the husband seeker, a spokeswoman for Craigslist wrote in an e-mail message that “it does look as if the post was made sincerely.” A message sent to the Craigslist mailbox seeking comment yielded no response.

Craigslist declined to say how many people responded to the personal ad (which asked, among other things, for names of bars, restaurants and gyms where rich single men hung out). And so far, the identity of the responder remains a mystery too.

“I wish we wrote it because I think it’s great,” said John Carney, editor of DealBreaker, a Wall Street gossip site that posted the exchange on Wednesday.

Mr. Carney said that he had received the zinger in an e-mail message from someone other than the author, and his source did not know who wrote it. (The response never appeared on Craigslist itself.)

On Thursday, Howard Lindzon posted it to his blog. After a commenter asked who wrote it, Mr. Lindzon responded “me,” but then said in a telephone interview that he had been kidding. The traffic the posting drew was serious, though. Mr. Lindzon usually gets about 3,000 daily visitors, but popularity-rating sites digg.com and reddit.com linked to the item, drawing more than 100,000 visitors and crashing his server.

Brett Michael Dykes, a blogger notorious for fake listings on Craigslist, said he had received about 40 e-mail messages accusing him of posting the husband-seeking personal ad. But he said he had not written it and was stumped about its provenance.

“I’ve probably read it five or six times, and I go back and forth,” Mr. Dykes said. “Sadly I think it may be real. I have met in New York City that type of girl.”

By now, Mr. Dykes said, a blogger would have taken credit for the listing if it were a hoax, but “who would want to step from the shadows and say, ‘I’m the gold digger’?”

And Mr. Carney said he was not holding his breath that the Wall Street type would step forward. “In the age of ultrasensitivity to sexual harassment, people might think that this guy’s response about women being depreciating assets is not exactly how they want their firm to be perceived by the public,” he said.

[skwirrlking]

This was discussed on Howard Stern this morning. I'll post a recap according to marksfriggin.com:

Hot 25 Year Old CraigsList Ad Discussed. 10/08/07. 6:45am
Howard said he was reading about this hot 25 year old chick who posted an ad on CraigsList where she was looking for a rich guy to date. She talked about how she wants someone who makes a minimum of half a million a year. She said that she's so good looking that she should be able to find someone that hot who would date her. Artie heard some of that story and said that he should answer this ad.
Howard said that there was a guy who responded to her ad and said that she's only going to get older and uglier while he's going to make even more money. He wanted to know what she had to offer to the relationship since she's just going to get older and saggier. Artie said that's why he's perfect for her, he'll be dead by the time she turns 35.

Howard read this ad that the chick posted. She talks about the people she's seen out there who aren't all that hot but are married to really rich guys. The guy who wrote back to her said that she's a depreciating asset and he's an appreciating asset. The guy goes on to say that he'd rather lease her than ''buy'' her like she was looking for. He said that she'd leave him if his money was gone while he'd like to leave her when her looks are gone.

Howard said that Gary called the guy who posted the response to her ad and it's legitimate. He said that they may talk to one of them or maybe both. Gary said that the woman is looking for marriage and not just dating. Artie said that he may still be the right guy for her. He wondered if she's really as good looking as she claims she is. Howard said that they may have to get her in there to find out what she looks like.


 

[CeeDub]

ummm . . . I think the original personal was the prank.

"Beautifulo ? ?"  WtF K?  "Articulate and Classy?"  Disproven in less than three paragraphs, not only by style but by content.  Talking about money is so lower class.

The OP reeks of verisimilitudeanous fishing - and it reeled in a couplea keepers!

[Kindelan]

ok ok
this it toally ripe for a prank!!

which wiredjc dude wants to be the fake millionaire to lure this asswipe in??

(looks around)

i nominate my man SOSHIN!!!

any other nominees???

fasteddie or soshin all the way

[jcpeace]

ok ok
this it toally ripe for a prank!!

which wiredjc dude wants to be the fake millionaire to lure this asswipe in??

(looks around)

i nominate my man SOSHIN!!!

any other nominees???

[duke_of_earl]

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST
What am I doing wrong?


Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautifulo
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think
I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you wn't hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or
other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.

-----

ANOTHER ANSWER:

Dear Pers-431649184:

Your also came across your posting with great interest. I am a 28 year old Wall Street trader who qualifies as an eligible suitor under your $500k/yr rule. In fact, I make over a million and can usher a woman into a comfortable, true middle class lifestyle (not like those 500k lower-middle class chumps who have to make do with the junior two-bedroom).

I am sympathetic to your goal in finding a rich man to marry. The milk needs to be sold by the expiration date. But since this is premium milk, why would you settle for less than premium prices? I would like to address some of the questions that were previously missed by the other gentleman and provide constructive advice on where to find your match.

I also do believe in the efficient market theory, and am surprised that $500k hasn't found you yet. There are plenty of rich lawyers, investment bankers and hedgies to go around in this city. What gives? I think the problem might be that you have not been sufficiently focused in your search efforts.

The culprit, I believe, may be that you are also looking for qualities aside from money - such as looks, personality, and a sense of humor. However, men who have those qualities learn at an early age that they do not need money to attract quality women. As the saying goes, if you can get the milk for free, why pay up for the cow?

What you need to look for is someone who is long money, and short the other aspects. They are not easy to spot, since you are biologically wired to overlook and ignore them. However, the next time that you are at a expensive black tie event, and you are introduced to the short, bald, overweight man who fidgets nervously whilst making conversation with you, pay special attention to him.

Here's an inspirational story for you. An acquaintance of mine who was also an classy and articulate woman as yourself was able to land that guy - who also happens to be one of the top ten guys at Google. This is the type of stuff that gold-digging moms read to their gold-digging daughters at bedtime. Perhaps you need to make a location change to Silicon Valley - miracles like these happen almost everyday in a land where you can randomly throw a rock and hit a rich nerd in squarely his Kim-jong Il glasses.

And as far as his deficiencies go, they turned out to be not so bad. With hundreds of millions in the bank, she's been able to clean him up and give him a little sophistication. Think of it as a fixer-upper project with a massive budget (and yourself as a visionary real estate developer!). Although, I must warn you, it is a fine line you are flirting with - you must not overdo it lest he begins to attract younger women who are hotter than yourself. The trick is, you need build him up enough to be presentable, while simultaneously manipulate him into believing you are the best that he will ever do! That and having kids will be your insurance against your depreciation (or as I prefer to use the term, milk going sour).

I wish the best of luck on your sales project. As for me, I am also available for a short-term lease. However, for marriage I wouldn't consider a women unless she can bring beauty, brains and self-motivation to the table. I do not want to dilute my gene pool and end up raising a bunch of Paris Hiltons.
   
   

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